and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
