Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
