It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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