I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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