turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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