her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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