You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
