the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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