NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
