Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
