Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
