i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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