addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
