is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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