I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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