Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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