this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Randomize
