We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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