I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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