Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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