i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
