...so i touched it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
