Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
