If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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