So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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