i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
