so explain again why im purple
no
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
