Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
