fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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