Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
