I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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