...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
