Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
