Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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