yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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