so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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