I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
