the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
