I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
