saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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