I'm jealous of your bromance
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
