Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
