She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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