It's Friday. Sex?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
