Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
