last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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