I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
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I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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