you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize