I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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