drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
