So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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