Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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