we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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