You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
