Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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