Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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