I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
