Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
