Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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