i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
