Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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