i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
