somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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