Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
