did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dear god my vagina.
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