Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
