fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
