my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
