where am i from again
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
