I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
