I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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