If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
