So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
