I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
