Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
