We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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