oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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