I didn't shave. On purpose
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
