i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have already put on my inside pants.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
