Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
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To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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