I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we made out on top of his cat.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
