I will die if light touches me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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